This is an introduction essay I had written my freshman year in college, it's a great introduction into who I am :)

Dylan James

10/03/14

The Moment of Truth

              As human beings during life we all go through certain events that shape who we become, and how we view certain aspects of our life. These events can be some of the greatest memories you have but you also have some of the worst times that challenge you mentally and physically as a being. You can do one of two things from these events and that is learn from the experience or you can dwell on it. Some people will go through some experiences that people will never imagine going through, it is the people who go through the harshest times that end up being the strongest. They develop a strong love for life and respect everything that is put in their presence. Some individuals will get caught on all their misfortunes, blaming a higher power or anyone for what is going on when what they really should be doing is appreciating that they made it through the event and living to see another day. In the end that is all that really matters, when everything comes crashing down on you it is your job as a human to get back up and learn from what happened. I learned these secrets of life through many events that took place in my life that changed who I was, and still continue to do to this day. As a man, I was taught to never let anyone in, stay strong, and never let things bother you. The sad truth of the matter was that to some extent that is true, but when things get hard they do challenge you. They will make you cry, and be upset. The emotions you sometimes get will change who you really are; causing you too act like someone you never was and never wanted to be. At these times you are at your most vulnerable, causing you to be weak, physically and mentally. It is during these times that you need to accept that you are weak, look for help even if that means going to someone that isn’t already in your life. I can further this point by explaining what happened to me, and why this how I currently perceive life. I was born in a little town called Loysburg which is about 15 minutes away from Altoona, Pennsylvania. I have two brothers and a sister, I was the oldest one of all my siblings. This was a blessing early in life but later became a curse. We lived an average life, getting anything any of us ever wanted, and had the typical household family. Sports were a big part of my childhood, football and wrestling to be exact. I excelled at both. Football, I was the star linebacker/running back while wrestling I was a state qualifier more than once. In school, I was loved by everyone for being that kid who always made you smile and laugh. The thing that most kids at the time really respected me for was never being judgmental of anybody. Even being with the popular crowd, I never picked on anyone or judged them for who they were or what they looked like. But, I was never satisfied with what I had, I was always wanting more. This thought process really was one of my biggest flaws. How wasn’t I satisfied? My life was a dream, I had a beautiful girlfriend, was popular in school, had all the name brand clothes, and a cell phone that my parents always paid for. I did nothing but enjoy all my luxuries, play sports, and actively attend school getting above average grades. I got a very rude awakening on the very last night of my sophomore year in high school though. The parents I had, who I have looked up to more than anything that I have idolized and strived to be like, were having marriage problems that as a child I never knew. Being the great parents at the time they were, they never let us kids know what was really going on, and how things were taking a very bad turn in their relationship. That night was sleeping in my bed and I heard all this loud arguing coming from my parent’s room which is out of the ordinary, so I got up to go check out the situation. To my finding, I saw my father bawling which caught me by awe, I had never seen this. My father, crying? It couldn’t be, this is the same man who told me to never let anything bring you down and to never let emotions affect you. I continued to ask him what happened. “Why are you crying dad?” He said to me that he knew my mother was cheating on him with this man that she knew back in high school. I couldn’t believe it? My mom? She was the same mother who in my eyes did no wrong, she was the person I was closest to.  It turns out she did, in reaction my father ended up leaving her, and us kids to stay with my mom while he dealt with all his emotions and got himself straightened out because this took a pretty big toll on him. As time proceeded, this anger grows in me for my mother doing this, she just broke up my family?  The house just wasn’t the same, without my father around things became chaotic that summer. The siblings and I stayed at the house, while my mother would leave for weeks at a time for so-called “trips”. I wasn’t naive enough to believe this, something was different about her I couldn’t figure it out. She was never like this, she was always the mom to stay home and make sure us children were doing everything we were supposed to. Our Electricity soon got shut off, and there was no food in our house. Our mother was gone a lot, and acting very strange at this time. To top it off I hadn’t heard even from my dad in months. Eventually, I met this guy that my mom had left my father for, and I couldn’t have been any more disappointed in her. This man was 30 years old, very nice, and skinny... too skinny. Well, the 2^nd day of him staying at our house, I saw something. I saw something that forever changed me. As I walked into my mom’s room to ask her to buy some for us kids, because were hungry, her boyfriend was holding my mother’s arm, and sticking a needle into her. I was terrified. I had heard of this, but never dreamt I would see it. Let alone in my own family. Filled with rage as any 15 year old would be, but here it came, all these excuses and blaming this on the horrible things that was going on in her life that she slipped up one time. She begged for forgiveness, well I couldn’t do it. I took my brothers and sister, called my father and he picked us up that day. We went with him to where he was staying, which was this 2 bedroom place with a friend. He was allowing him to stay in his spare room. Well after I explained to him what I saw, he was speechless and was convinced we had to stay with him in this small house. His friend was okay with it, I just couldn’t process it all and anger filled me. I started smoking pot during that summer while my mom was away. I loved the feeling of getting away from my problems and being high. I never was a drinker or a tobacco fan but I loved marijuana. It soothed me in way that I couldn’t explain in words. So after we moved to this new house with my dad, I resorted on smoking to take this pain away and it did. I suddenly started finding myself losing that same love and happiness for life. I had just lost what had meant most to me, my family. We were poor now that was something I was never use to, I suddenly grew accustom to the lifestyle very quick. It was different not having the same luxuries I expected in life. This included a cell phone, new school cloths, video games, everything a teenager takes for granted. It is the start of my junior year, my life had done a 360 on me, I wasn’t the same kid that my friends knew just the year before. It was no secret, I was going through a tough time but people just didn’t understand what I felt. I refused help, thinking that none of these things could phase me. The pot only made that mindset bigger. Football was right around the corner and I’m m not looking forward to it all. I loved these sports? Now I saw it as a job that I didn’t want to do. I still decided to play which was in part because I couldn’t let my father down. He was everything to me, he had pushed me all these years because those were things he also enjoyed. It was our common grounds, so I start my first varsity game of that year and do amazing! I felt great, everyone noticed me and it was a real distraction from all my negative thoughts. To my surprise after the game I go with my girlfriend who had been my backbone through all of these events. She came to me every day in the summer, bought me my necessities. She was my mother, girlfriend, and best friend.  She knew everything that was going on, even my pot problem which she overlooked at the time. Anyway, I go with her for an hour or so to get pizza then come back to my new house, while I was walking in the door I get a call from a weird number that I haven’t seen before. I take the call, to find out It was a neighbor from my other house were my mom was staying. This was where all my belongings are because his friend barely had room for us 4 kids, let alone all of the things we have accumulated throughout the years. The neighbor tells me that your house is in flames and there are 5 different county fire companies trying to put it out. I was shocked. I am lost, for words, I rush to my father. All of us go to the house to find out my mom is missing and we have lost everything we owned. All items in the house were ruined due to the black smoke. I instantly broke down, I blamed god for everything, being such a spiritual person throughout all these events. Now this? I was thinking to myself “How can you do this to me, I put faith in you when I was at my lowest to have this happen?” I was utterly destroyed as a person. It was official, I had lost everything in my life. This caused a spiral downhill from here on. That year in high school, I end up losing my girlfriend to the fact I loved smoking pot more than being with her. I couldn’t handle life, I was on the verge of suicide every day I woke up. Not many teenagers experience waking up in the morning to just cry, break down, and hate everything. Eventually throughout the year, my grades started slipping. I quit sports and stop hanging my closest friends. I had close friends, adults, counselors try to get through to me that you need help but I wouldn’t accept anything. My father drank every night I was home. This led to me always hanging with different people just to get pot and it consumed my junior year. As the year ended, I was blind to everything around me. All I could think about is getting away from everything, I lost all hope in becoming successful and gave up. So my father kicked me out, I was forced to go back to my mom who I haven’t talked to since the incident with the needle. My father didn’t like this idea but she claimed to have been clean and got a new house in a district close by that would get me away from the people I was with and to put me back on track. For the first month I was back where I use to be, I was in a strict home that my mom was sober, and I was forced to do things that I stayed away from. She made me tryout for the football team for my new school. I agreed, because I realized I needed to get back on the right road. After the month ended, my senior year officially started. The man that she had left due to his drug problems comes back to my new home. Again, I was shocked, I don’t know how my mom got over what he did to us and our family. I utterly hated this man, but he started coming around again he always played kiss ass to me. He knew I wanted to beat his face in but he always brought me gifts like a cell phone card or something to try and show me that he cared about me. That he was straight, and would never do anything again to hurt my mother. This lasted for about another month, then things get worse than ever. I get sick of football again, because I just didn’t have the same relationship with this team. It wasn’t the same and my mom didn’t like the idea, but I put the excuse up that I didn’t fit in this new school. I used the emotion guilt to get my way with anything I wanted with her, I could bring up anything just to get my way. I did this to quit football just so I could start smoking pot again. This only brought the mindset of “F” everything, I don’t care anymore. I wanted to be gone, I want to leave this earth in a way no one could understand but I never had the mentality to go through with these suicidal thoughts for the fact I knew I could smoke and see a better day eventually. The following month as I’m in this new school trying to adjust, I come home one day again to see my mom and her boyfriend smoking but this wasn’t pot. I could tell because you smoke that from a glass pipe or a paper, this she was smoking off tinfoil. I had caught her again doing something I knew she was better than, I ask what are you doing?! She replies “We are smoking these chemicals that isn’t as bad as what it is made out to be.” It turns out to be blizzard otherwise known as bath salts. I was pissed! I broke down again, I had to call my father even though we haven’t spoke since the summer. He tells me I will come get you now, get your stuff packed. My mother is torn apart, she didn’t want to me leave. I was her everything, all she wanted to do is see me finish my senior year, graduate, and go on to college. I couldn’t stay, I left angrily met up with my dad and he took me to his new girlfriends house where all my siblings where staying at the time. They were so happy to see me, they all looked up to me and never saw me at my worst. They assumed I couldn’t be affected by anything, they were hidden from most of the facts because they were all under the age of 12. Dad couldn’t believe what I had told that him on the phone about my mother, he told me she was going to end up dead. This had hit me in such a way because I kept thinking I have all this anger and resentment built on her but what if something happened? What if one of these drugs did take her life like the millions it takes every year, what would I do knowing my last words to here where I hate you! I learned very quickly that these words mean just as much as any action. I slowly grew to understand that these were her problems, she needed to get over them. Yes, I could hate her and be mad all want, but that didn’t help her at all? She still was my mother so I made a decision to not stay mad at her. This also meant to always try to say positive things when she did call on those random blue moons. I learned through these situations that emotions may get the best of you at times, but you can still persevere through them. Through all these bad times, I grew to become a stronger man than I ever could have been. My senior year ended great, I started going back to class and getting good grades once again. This led me to eventually coming to the school of my dreams. That school was Indiana University of Pennsylvania. To conclude this story, I want to say that any bad time you are encountering in life, there is always a way, and a lesson to be learned that will help you become a better, stronger human being.